race report: the very long and gory details

i realized i have to write about how the race went before i forget everything. i've already forgotten some of the details. like childbirth (i imagine), i think the further you get away from a traumatic event, the more you only remember the good things. then you probably do it again and think WTF! i don't remember it sucking like this the first time! and you promptly begin the cycle anew.

don't think that means there are terrible stories about the race that i'm keeping from you. it's just that now, still semi-basking in the afterglow (let's be honest, all i'm thinking about is getting back to training next week), i'm only thinking about all the nice things about this past weekend. so before i obliterate all of that stress and fear from my memory, let me take you through my weekend.

first off, a link to the pics taken by my fantastic husband:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/kha0s/sets/72157619266312789/

PRE-RACE
so my teammate and i arrived at our hotel on winnepesaukee on friday midday. i'd spent the ride up chatting with him about training, diet, and pre-race fear. he'd done a sprint tri already, so was much less nervous than i was. i felt silly explaining how i was feeling near-terror nearly 24 hours before the start, but there it was...a lump in my throat, a knot in my stomach, an inability to sit still or shut up for a single moment. it was mixed in with tons of excitement, to be sure!

we ate a "healthy" lunch at the floating bar in the lake, as i wistfully surveyed all the drinks i couldn't have while i choked down my dry chicken sandwich. we drove the 40ish minutes to newfound to pick up our race packets and do a quick wetsuit swim in the lake. holy crap, was it cold! and pretty dark too, though not murky like walden. i refused to imagine what creatures might be living in it, hitched up my mental panties, and swam out and back a few times.

feeling somewhat better, we headed back to the hotel for the carbo-loading pasta party. as i shoveled down salad, ziti, turkey, and a dinner roll, my stomach asked me when i would be done eating all this crap and could go back to my normal diet, which is pretty much devoid of white flour or gratuitous grains. soon, i promised my stomach. soon. but first you'll suffer through all those performance gels tomorrow!

i felt really alone and freaked out as i saw other people surrounded by family or friends, and i was really looking forward to having my husband join me in the morning; i felt like i needed to spend some time with someone who DIDN'T give a crap about triathlon so i could get my brain back to normalcy.

as it was, i took a long, hot bath, during which i studied the map of the transition areas and then took 20 min to close my eyes and visualize the whole race. i imagined what i'd be feeling, particularly what negative self-talk i'd be giving myself, and how i would answer those doubts. i imagined what songs i'd be playing in my head to get my stroke count, cadence, and turnover speeds where i wanted them. i imagined when i'd sight the buoys, how i'd do T1 (wetsuit off, glasses on, helmet on, chamois cream on, rinse feet, socks on, shoes on, gloves on, gels in pockets, bike out!), how i'd mount the bike, when i'd be cracking my gels, which hills would require going down to 1st, how i would be solid enough to fly down hills without braking, how i'd dismount, find my transition area, get through T2 (bike on rack, gloves off, shoes off, run shoes on, new gels in pocket, race number belt on, helmet off, headband on, run!), how i'd spend the first 0.5 mile getting my legs used to running, how i'd find my turnover speed and pace, when i'd stop for water, and how i'd sprint to that finish line.

then i got out of the bath, stretched for 10 minutes, took half a sleeping pill, and tried to sleep. i slept from about 10.30 to 3, during which i woke up 7 or so times and had a number of bizarre dreams. they included a vivid race dream, probably because i had visualized it the night before. in it, my husband didn't come because he thought it was dumb. i fell off my bike. during the run, there were carnival games like skeeball, and the water balloon pop, and pin the tail on the donkey, that everyone else had trained for and i didn't know what to do. then the road incline began to increase, until it was so vertical i began to slide backwards, clawing the pavement and leaving bloody trails of skin and fingernails as i tried to hang on, and fell backwards in a cloud of gravel and sand.

i woke up well before my 4 am alarm with a belly full of dread. after dreaming like that, can you be surprised?

i ate a quick breakfast of plain oatmeal mixed with raisin bran, an orange, and some coffee. we booked it to the race site and parked in a field, fighting off mosquitoes as i pondered how to get my huge transition bag and my bike over 1/4 mile to the transition area. next time: bring a backpack, and not a huge duffel that can't be carried.

i miraculously ran into my husband as he was parking in the same lot; he'd gotten up at 3.45 am just to be able to see me before the start. part 1 of my dream was already wrong, see?

my darling husband kept me company while i navigated the chaos in the park. i had to get bodymarked first, with my number and age sharpied on my bicep, quad, and calf. then to the portapotties, then to transition to set up. i felt flustered and like i didn't have enough time to make sure i had laid everything out, even though i had a print out of my list to ensure everything was there.

i joined my husband on the beach and had my wetsuit half-on as i scarfed a peanut butter sandwich 45 min before my wave, and half a banana about 15 min before my start. i got fully suited up about 30 min before my wave began, and acclimatized myself to the water (including that nice wetsuit pee...keeps you warm!). i had to say goodbye to my husband; at that point, milling around with all the triathletes on the beach, my panic was at fever pitch and i distinctly remember looking around and thinking, holy shit. this stuff is for real. i'm really here. i never thought this day would actually come. all these people are real athletes. what am i doing here? why did i ever think this was a good idea? what the hell did i get myself into? oh man i just wish this day were over!
and my wonderful husband must have known what was going through my mind because he took me aside and basically said hey, don't let all these people change your race plans - don't get stressed out, don't worry about what everyone around you is doing, and don't push too hard and hurt yourself just to pass some random person. race your own race and stay inside your own head, and have fun!

and boy, am i glad he said that. cause that's exactly what i did.

THE RACE

the swim
some other TNT-ers in my wave walked over to the start with me, as we looked out at that orange buoy 0.45 miles across the lake. it looked like it was taking the elite men FOREVER to do the course. how long would it take us? we were hugging and getting excited; i decided to just be pumped rather than afraid. as we lined up in the water, i put myself on the very inside line, about 3 people back; so it was a pretty aggressive placement. i was hopping up and down and slapping the water because i was suddenly READY TO GO. i began my stopwatch about 30 sec before we were slated to start, so i could track my gels and also have an idea of my pace. they shouted "go!" and i hit that water and stopped thinking about everything else altogether. i went out faster than i thought i would, but i was breathing well and holding off everyone behind me. i sighted well all the way out to the turnaround; keeping the big barrel buoys on my left, and trying not to think about how eerie it was that their fluorescent orange tethering lines descended into the depths as far as i could see, meaning there was no way to tell how deep it was other than DEEP. i focused on the legs kicking nearby, swimming around as many people as i could - it wasn't that crowded, and i passed way more people than passed me. i was swum over a couple of times, knocked elbows a couple of times, got my hands kicked...and treated each event like it was just part of my stroke; might as well be seaweed clinging to oars - it happens, and you move on. at the turnaround i kept it tight, and was like yeah man, i am halfway and now i know i can really DO THIS. around that time i began to breathe every other stroke and not every 3rd; i've never breathed that frequently when swimming, so i think i was giving it more than i usually do. i kept seeing only blue and white caps around me, although my wave was all red and pink caps were the wave in front of me. i thought, either i'm doing really great, or maybe all these guys are doing really great - either way, i'm just going to keep going!

i felt fast and strong, like a juggernaut chugging through the water; like a demonic clydesdale dashing out of the gates of hell in a firey swath. i kept thinking of all those badass things while i kept my stroke long, and switched what side i was breathing on whenever i felt my neck tense up over time. i sighted more poorly on the return, and did some unintentional zig-zagging; i had a lot of swimmers stop abruptly in front of me with leg cramps. i knew what they were feeling, as i was barely kicking and still, my calves were involuntarily contracting up into themselves and threatening to cramp really badly. i pulled my toes up toward my shins and just gave it my all with my upper body, keeping my feet flexed up for the last 5 minutes or so to prevent the cramps that kept threatening. i swam till i touched sand, stood up, and felt like i had been reborn. for over 25 minutes i'd been in an ethereal world of cold and muffled sound; only my own breathing and splashing punctuated the noise of the water rushing past as i sliced through it. upon standing i was hurled forth back into the real world, with a crowd screaming, an announcer blabbering, music blasting, cowbells ringing, cameras flashing...and it nearly froze me to the spot. i ran toward the finish arch through the chaos, gatorade thrust into my hand as i tried to figure out what to do with it, trying to reach back and grab my zipper leash to try to get out of my wetsuit...and i couldn't. my arms were drawn into me like a T-rex; the water was so cold, i had no flexibility at all. the boy scouts manning the wetsuit stripping stations came to my aid, directing me on the ground, unzipping me, and peeling it off with force like a fish being scaled and gutted. still bewildered, i grabbed my suit, thanked them, and rushed off to find my bike. all i could think was, oh my god. what the hell do i do now?


the bike
while T2 took me a little while, with cold and shaky limbs and a cloudy mind, i eventually got everything on and made my way to the start of the bike. i was told to mount, felt like it took me forever to get my first shoe clipped in (it probably took 5 seconds or so), and then i heard my name being yelled from the crowd. i looked up to see my husband with his camera, and i was so happy to see him, a huge grin melted across my face. suddenly my mind unfroze and i was back, and ready to do my favorite part: the bike. i took off with total confidence, asking myself, i wonder how many of these guys i can reel in? i hope they're ready for a fight on those hills! and as i made my way through the first 5 miles, i looked out across the lake and all the other swimmers still on the course, and i relaxed and thought about what a beautiful place it was, and how much fun i could have if i let myself enjoy this race. from my course preview ride the month prior, i'd thought the first 5 miles were flat until the dreaded hill. wrong! i couldn't believe how the slightest incline was taxing my legs beyond belief. they were still so cold, and so inflexible; like biking with huge anvils instead of limbs. so i chilled out, kept my cadence up and my gears low, and tried to give them time to thaw out. i cracked my first gel sometime in here (hammer espresso with 50 mg caffeine). i passed tons of people but was also passed by some serious racers. i learned that i was going to be the only one calling out passes, so i gave up and just biked like a jerk.

i got myself psyched up for devil's hill, the one huge climb that faces you like a solid asphalt wall as you round a corner. i knew my friends from BMWCCA ice racing were probably waiting for me at the end of their driveway just before the big climb, so i focused on that and got poised to go through some rapid downshifting. i saw my friends, called out 'hey guys!!' with a big grin on my face, and was so happy to see them waving and cheering. i settled in for the big climb, passing some people and also being passed by guys who were definitely in lower gears and at higher cadence. a woman in a devil costume was dancing near the top, yelling "up and over!! keep going!" and cheering; i thanked her as i reached the top, definitely more slowly than i would have liked, but still in good spirits. the climb warmed my legs up and seemed to wring out the last of the cold water cramps, and i knew a nice fast downhill awaited me. i was shifted into my highest gears, went aero, and hauled down that badboy as fast as i could, leaving the huge crowed of huffing and puffing riders behind me. i will say that during the bike leg, i only used my brakes once in the whole 27.5 miles, and it was on a tight cambered right/left downhill S-curve where they had course marshalls cautioning us to slow down for the tight turns. that, and when i was entering the finish chute, of course. anyway, nobody passed me on any of the downhills. EVER. so i am pretty happy about that. i was mostly passed on uphills, usually steeper ones and not gradual inclines. so i know now that i need to work on my downshift timing, gear strategy, and cadence on real climbs. the passing on this ride was chaos. i had been worried about the difficulties of maintaining the bike lengths and anti-drafting rules, but all this went out the window; people were passing each other on both sides, 4 or 5 riders wide, on a course open to traffic. i was like ok, so it's like that...and often i would be skirting the yellow line, passing 4 others on the left as they tried to duke it out for position, even though nobody was really going appreciably faster. i definitely called those passes, even though many didn't and i thought it was kind of dangerous of them. few riders looked behind them when coming out to make a pass, either for gaining riders or for cars; i called out cars to riders in front of me several times. you could only tell if someone was coming up on you if they decided to shift or had those pricey solid wheels, which make a pretty badass sound on the pavement. i will say, i noticed a pretty decent amount of bikers on very serious and expensive bikes - carbon fiber tri bikes that were 6 to 12,000 dollars, whose wheels alone are more expensive than my entire bike. what surprised me was not the equipment, but how often those bikes were piloted by seemingly inexperienced or not particularly talented cyclists. if you think about it, a lot of the guys on these bikes that i came across had started 15-20 min before i did. if i was passing them on the bike leg, well...perhaps running is their strong suit. it turned out to be a lot like motorsports; just because a guy's in a fast and expensive car, doesn't mean he's a good driver. a lot of these guys were the types that looked quite annoyed when i passed them, and often tried to pedal harder to block my pass, which i think isn't sporting; if someone's faster, i'm pretty sure you're just supposed to accept it. if you could be going faster, you probably already should be, regardless of who's coming up on your left. i had a couple of guys i'd trade spots with over and over; they'd pass me on the uphills, and i'd zip past on the straightaways and downhills. i cracked my second gel around 1:15 into the race, i think (hammer raspberry - yum!) - it's hard to remember now. i also downed a bottle of endurox R4 and a bottle of water with electrolyte tabs over the course of the bike. they had some water stations, although i didn't need to stop and get anything; but i did nearly fall off my bike while zipping past one of these and high-fiving several boy scouts while i was in aero. so i decided not to be such a hot shot for the rest of the bike leg :)
a lot of people slowed down around mile 20; in retrospect, they were probably saving themselves for the run. i took advantage of it and cranked along in high gear, duking it out in the last couple of miles with some very serious looking dude in a teardrop helmet and sponsor-laden jersey and shorts. he eventually won out, but i made him work really, really hard for it and he definitely looked pissed one of the times i passed him. it amused me greatly and kept my mind off getting tired.

the last few miles seemed to take forever, but as i approached the finish chute, i saw andrew again and felt all smiley; i passed one last rider as i slowed, not sure where the dismount would be. i clicked out ok, ran into transition, racked my bike the wrong way and made a much quicker turnaround in T2.

the run
i jogged out of the transition area through the wooded park trail and onto the road, where i heard my TNT coach cheer for me as i passed by. i got my legs moving and focused on my turnover more than my speed; they actually felt pretty good following the bike. i cracked my 3rd gel (clif shot espresso, 100 mg caffeine) about a mile in and choked it down, finally feeling like they were gross instead of delicious. i felt extremely slow, probably in comparison to whizzing by on the bike; i think there were times where i went over 35 mph on the bike. as i checked my watch and saw that i was around 10 min/mi for the first mile, i was pretty pumped! it wasn't strenuous to keep up my goal pace, and i was happy about that. i did hit pretty much each water stop during the 10k, but didn't make the mistake of drinking much. it helped to walk a few strides and pick up running again because it seemed to refresh my pace and my technique. most of the first 5k was uphill, which didn't feel so great; i decided i would walk up the big hills because jogging up them was going to be just about the same speed as a quick walk, but would tax me way more. i made the mistake of walking with big strides, which made my left hamstring tweak and burn up high near my butt; it was a warning sign and i was careful to have short strides for the rest of the run. i kept calling out to fellow TNT-ers passing by on both legs of the run; because it was an out-and-back with a turnaround at 3.1 mi, i got to see fast guys on their way to the finish when i was starting out, and cheer on some of my older or slower teammates on their way out as i was coming in. both were really great opportunities to remember that i wasn't out there alone, and that kept my spirits high. one woman from some other tri team whom i didn't know passed by me at a quick clip up one of the hills, and as she went by said "keep it up, looking great!" - which i know is totally generic, but made me smile and pick up my pace again. for all the jerks who give you a hard time on the bike or try to intimidate you, triathlon is also filled with friendly people who will give you a kind word, wave, smile, or high-five for no other reason than to pay forward the spirit of support and shared love of a sport. that kind of stuff really makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

once at the turnaround, i knew the way back was mostly downhill and i could tell from my watch that if i kept up my 10 min/mi pace, i would come in around 3 hours. i began to get excited, then thought - shut up silly, you come in when you come in; do your best on the last 5k and start looking at your watch when you're closer to the finish line; if you start getting all funky about pulling fast miles now, you'll burn out before the finish. so i did just that. i was supposed to crack another gel but honestly, i couldn't stomach the idea. so i decided to take in a few ounces of gatorade at the turnaround and again at the last water stop. i figured i was close enough to the finish that i wouldn't crash till after i crossed, and could eat something as soon as i was done to ward off a sugar-induced blood sugar dip. that worked out pretty well, and i felt quicker on my return trip. oddly, my first 5k split was much faster (9:30's) than my second 5k split (9:50's), which is especially crazy considering the way there were all those uphills and walks, and the way back i ran the whole time. i must have been really hauling when i was running during the first 5k. either way, i saw that if i gave a quick sprint at the end, it was possible that i'd actually come in just under 3 hours. that was all my body needed to release a quick surge of adrenaline, and i entered the finish chute in the park; the last 0.5 mi had gone on forever!! and i couldn't believe it, but i had to run several yards on sand and dirt. i was like, this is terrible! whose idea was this! because it was killing my hamstring. but there was the crowd and i saw the finish arch with the timer, and i sprinted with everything i had and i heard the announcer say "she's getting excited now!" and something about the money i raised for TNT. as i crossed i was pumping my fist in the air and grinning madly, and then i did the "ride the bull" from 'happy gilmore,' since there was a prize for best finish line celebration. i exited through a tent where i grabbed several slices of watermelon, which sounded like the best thing ever.

POST-RACE

i got hugs and congrats from my coaches and teammates and husband, and was elated to just be NOT RUNNING anymore. but i was surprised at how much energy i still had. i wasn't hungry in the slightest, and thougt i might puke if someone fed me real food, so i settled for the watermelon and a red bull, and waded out into the cold lake up to my waist. while i was freezing, the cold water felt amazing on my firing hamstring and tired feet. the rest of me felt pretty great.

getting my transition area packed up, coordinating with the person whose car i'd left my extra bags in, finding teammates, finding my husband after losing him, and walking everything back to the car was all kind of a production, but i didn't mind at all. i called my parents, who had seen me finish on the webcam - boy, was that cool! and i dropped way too much money on a mooseman coolmax top to commemorate my first triathlon.

i was totally hopped up for the rest of the day, talking up a storm when we visited our ice-racing friends on the other side of the lake to thank them for cheering, and the whole long drive home. i wasn't really hungry again till about 8 or 9 pm, but my brain was definitely off at that point. i finished a juicy burger and tall blue moon with great gusto, and fell asleep like a rock around 11. weirdly, i was wide awake at 4 am again! but spent sunday relaxing and feeling pretty awesome overall. that hamstring was kind of sore, but other than that, i was floating on a cloud with a mantra in my head: i'm a triathlete now.